Chapter 2 of Messy Church for Messy People by Bo Sanchez
ONE day, Carol walked up to me after our prayer meeting. She said, “Bo, I’m so happy, God answered my prayer!
“What prayer? I asked.
She said, “Bo, my officemates are worldly people. Two of them are separated from their husband. One of them has an affair with a married man. Two of them have boyfriends and I’m 100% sure they’re having premarital sex. Every day, I have lunch with them—and all I hear are green jokes and foul language and useless talk. Before I got spiritually renewed, I enjoyed that kind of talk. But not anymore. I hate it now. I’m not comfortable anymore with them. So I prayed to God to get me out of this group. And last week, God answered my prayer…
“How? I asked.
“Last week, I met this woman from Accounting who attends another Christian community. And so now we have lunch together every day. And it’s been amazing! We first pray before the meal, then we share favorite Bible verses, then we share about our prayer intentions, then we share how God has been working in our life… Sometimes, we’d even cry together. Oh, Brother Bo, it’s like we’re having church every day!
Jesus Was Comfortable with Messed-Up People
I said, “May I give you a history lesson?
“Uh, sure… Carol said.
“Once upon a time, Jesus was in Heaven and He was sitting on His royal throne, surrounded by Angels, and enjoying a great life. Everything was holy, clean, pure, and beautiful. But one day, Jesus decided that people needed an audio-visual presentation of God’s Love. Jesus does the unthinkable: He decides to be that presentation. He decides to leave His perfect, comfortable, flawless world and dive into the messy, dirty, filthy, sinful world of humanity. He became comfortable with mess.
“What are you saying? Carol asked.
“Carol, you can’t just walk away from your officemates. Look at the guys Jesus hangs out with: Peter was a coward, James and John had temper problems, Matthew was a traitor to his country, Philip was indecisive, Thomas was cynical, and Judas was a thief. Can you select a more messed-up group than the apostles of Jesus?
And all throughout the Bible, you see this same thing happening: God dealt with very defective human beings. Abraham lied, Jacob cheated, Noah got drunk, David had an affair with a married woman and killed her husband, and Solomon had 1,000 wives, with 1,000 mothers-in-law, who influenced him to become an idol-worshipper.
Carol kept listening. I told her, “You won’t like what I’m about to tell you. But you need to love the lost.
“How can I do it? she asked me.
I gave her 10 Things To Do…
1. Be Comfortable with Mess
If you’re not comfortable with mess, don’t love the lost.
I remember a gay person who came up to me at The Feast and said, “Hi Brother Bo. I love The Feast. By the way, I brought my boyfriend with me… and pointed to the guy beside him.
For a split second, I froze. Thankfully, I recovered. I stood up, embraced both of them and said, “Welcome to The Feast. This is your home. This is your family.
I told Carol, “Don’t flinch when your friends curse. (Don’t say, “Yuck!) Don’t scowl when they tell a green joke. And when you talk to the woman who is having premarital sex, don’t say, ‘Susmaryosep, Santa Maria Ina ng Diyos, maawa ka sa mga makakasalanan sa mundo…’ (Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Holy Mother of God, have mercy on the sinners of the world…)
I told her, “Jesus was the holiest person and yet He was the most non-judgmental person in the world. The Bible says Jesus did not come to condemn but to save. (See John 3:17)
You’ve got to learn to be comfortable with mess.
2. Be Known as a Friend of Sinners
Jesus was known as a Friend of Sinners. Religious leaders of his time criticized him for it. It seemed that Jesus was always hanging out with the wrong crowd—with prostitutes, drunkards, and thieves.
I asked her, “Carol, are you known as a friend of sinners?
She shook her head, “No. They think I’m too holy for them.
“Let me guess, I said. “None of them are close to you.
She sighed. “Yes, they avoid me. But that’s because I’ve been trying to avoid them, too.
Sadly, many Christians are like Carol. Our reputation sucks. We’re not known as the friend of sinners– we’re known as the en-emy, the critic, and the judge of sinners.
We’ve heard these words before: “Hate the sin, love the sin-ner. But in real life, we just hate the sin without really loving the sinner.
From my experience, however, when I really love the sinner, in due time, the sinner learns to love himself and stops sinning.
3. Don’t Forget Your Own Mess
Recently, a huge survey was made among thousands of un-churched young people, asking them, “Why don’t you go to church anymore?
One of the biggest reasons: “Because Christians are self-righteous.
Ouch.
Do you know why we’re self-righteous?
Because we forget how messed-up we are!
Let me define self-righteousness: When we believe that other people’s sins are bigger than our sins. But many people’s weighing scale of sin is busted. For example, a lot of people think sexual sin is the biggest sin. But that’s not true.
One day, a priest told me that most of the confessions he hears are about sexual sins—masturbation, pornography, sexual fantasies… But he said very few people confess sins of gossip, when we destroy the reputation of others, or sins of injustice, when we exploit the poor, or sins of omission, when we don’t lift a finger for those suffering around us.… These are the biggest sins of all.
We’re all messed up. The more you can accept your mess, the easier it will be to accept the mess of others.
When you invite people to church, one common reason for not going is, “I don’t want to go to church because people there are hypocrites.
Once upon a time, I used to say, “Don’t generalize”
But now, I answer differently. I say, “You’re right. We’re all hypocrites, including the preacher. And that’s why we go to church—because we’re ALL messed up. The church is not a community of perfect people but forgiven people.
4. Care Before You Confront
Some people ask me, “But Bo, shouldn’t we confront sin?
Yes, you should. But you only confront within the context of a caring relationship.
Here’s the Truth: You can’t correct people who don’t trust you. If you do, they’ll get turned off, become defensive, and run away from you. And you lose your opportunity to be Jesus to them.
Jesus was the total opposite. The first thing He did was not to confront people but to care for people.
To confront means you point out their badness. To care means you point out their goodness. And when you point out their goodness, their goodness grows and flourishes and multiplies until it pushes out the badness from their life.
5. Allow God To Do the Changing
Bottomline, you can’t really change anyone.
You need to allow God to do the changing.
And speaking of confronting people of their sin, there’s something that’s 100 times more powerful than confrontation. It’s called self-confrontation.
From my experience, when I love a lost person, many times, I don’t need to confront him of his sin. Rather, in due season, the person spontaneously self-confronts. It may take time, but the change is PERMANENT because he owns his decision to correct himself.
6. Journey with People
Not too long ago, a woman came up to me and said, “Brother Bo, thanks for The Feast, I’m growing closer to God. But I have a problem, she paused and inhaled, mustering courage, and added, “I have a relationship with a married man. It’s been going on for seven years now. I know what I should do, but I must be honest with you, I can’t give him up yet. I just can’t…”
She just sobbed in front of me.
I embraced her and said, “God accepts you as you are. And so do I. Just surrender your life to Him. One day, God will give you the strength. In the meantime, just keep on coming to The Feast every Sunday. And I’m inviting you to volunteer to serve with us in a ministry.
I know very few spiritual communities who will ask an adulteress to serve in a ministry. But that’s what we do. (No high level responsibility, mind you. I don’t let her stand on stage. But I want her to serve because I want her to grow closer to God.) Why do we do this? Because we journey with people.
Three years later, she came up to me with tears running down her cheeks—but this time, they were happy tears.
“Bo, I did it, she said, “I was finally able to leave him.
At The Feast, we journey with people. We take you where you are. Because we know that only God can change you. And change takes time. So we’ll be patient.
Why do we do it? Because God journeys with all of us.
Think about it: God puts up with your sins. He doesn’t condemn you or throw you to Hell. Instead, He journeys with you. And that’s what He wants you to do with the people around you.
7. Keep Planting Seeds of God’s Love
When you love the lost, befriending them, accepting them, being comfortable with their mess, you’re planting seeds of God’s Love in their heart.
Sometimes, those seeds don’t grow right away.
But those seeds will never die because God’s Love will never die. A day will come when those seeds will grow and bear fruit.
8. See Them as Persons, Not Projects
When you love the lost, you don’t do it just because you want to convert them. You love them because you love them, period. Love is the goal! If they respond and start following Jesus, that’s wonderful. But if they don’t and just remain your friends, it’s absolutely wonderful too because you were able to love someone.
Don’t see the lost as projects that you need to fix, but as people you need to love.
9. Pay the Price
After the story of the lost sheep is the story of the Prodigal Son.
When the Prodigal Son comes home, his father throws a welcome party for him, kills a fatted calf for him, gives him a ring, gives him a robe, and gives him new sandals.
That party is The Feast today.
Question: Who pays for the party, the calf, the ring, the robe, and the sandals?
Answer: The elder son.
Remember that the youngest son already asked for half of his property. So technically, what remained of the property belonged to the older son. And all those given to the youngest son when he came back home were already part of the older son’s inheritance.
What am I saying? Reconciliation is expensive.
Someone has to pay for reconciliation.
Will you be that older son?
Loving the lost is difficult. When you reach out to lost people, someone has to pay by giving up their convenience and comfort and time and effort and energy. It won’t be easy. It will be messy.
But that’s the price you’ll pay.
10. Pray for Three Persons
Today, I challenge you to write down the name of three persons with whom you will share God’s Love.
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
Pray for these persons every day. And then seek them out. Invite them for coffee. Listen to them. Care for them. And pray for them.
When they’re ready, invite them to read together the little booklet called Love Someone Today. (You can find a copy at www.KerygmaBooks.com) Say, “May we meet for 30 minutes each week over coffee and read this book together?
Together, read one chapter each week and just follow the instructions in the booklet. You’ll be surprised at how God will use you to help the lost find their way back to Him.
Love the lost.
Next week, in Chapter 3 I share with you more specifically about The Feast.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS.If you don’t have a spiritual home, you can visit the nearest Feast in your area. Check out www.LightFam.com And if you want to start a small Feast in your office, school, or home, go to www.TheFeastVideo.com and see how you can change the world by loving someone, one person at a time.
Read the Story of
Napoleon F Oducado Jr. – No Love, No Job, No Money …Then The Feast
Rachel – Fallen, But Not a Loser
Syrah Jean J. Sanchez – No Turning Back
