Around the World Searching for a Loving Home
By TERE RUFFIE
I WAS born in Manila on October 6, 1978. My mother left when I was barely two years old. My sister Darlene and I, we were raised by our paternal grandmother.
To say that I didn’t struggle would be a lie. I just practically hid my ordeal under the cloak of affability. I must say when I was growing up, it was easy for people to see that I was a breezy, cheerful child. But inside, I was battling with insecurity, loneliness, trauma, and unhealthy attachment patterns— among the list of what comes eminent when in a dysfunctional environment.
Beautiful Life
2021 The year I first heard about the Light of Jesus (LOJ) Community.
A couple of decades ago, Darlene, who had become a single mom, made a wise move in the midst of her own life battles. She looked for a community, for a support, a place to belong to. She found a telephone number in a book she read, You Can Make Your Life Beautiful by Bo Sanchez. She eventually joined the Light of Jesus Family and became a member of its sub-group for single women professionals called Esther (from the biblical Esther, the young Jewish woman who becomes queen).
Super Blessed
Darlene joined the Makati branch of Esther. And it did not take long before she invited me to join her in one of its prayer meetings. I couldn’t find an excuse to turn down my sister’s invitation, so I went with her. And I was grateful that I did because, at the LOJ Esther prayer meetings, I’ve met genuinely kind, loving, fun, and empowered women of God.
The regular gathering begins with praise and worship to God. Then a talk, then some testimonies from fellow sisters that refresh and recharge you from the week’s work. It is also through Esther Makati that I was able to participate in retreats and outreach programs with opportunities to meet, bond, with other sisters in the Community, and serve the Lord.
Early on, I never turned down other invitations from my sister because, in every event, I felt good— with the worship music (often contemporary), the stories, sharing, and activities, the authenticity, and vulnerability of the sisters, the food during the fellowship, the caring, and loving vibe.
At right, here we are super blessed at the Kerygma Conference 2013.
I witnessed how the LOJ Community— because of the saintly souls serving this spiritual family— became a huge part of my sister’s life. I perceived the remarkable changes and growth in her personal and spiritual life by being part of the LOJ Family. And in my heart, deep down, I knew I also needed a spiritual overhaul and growth. I also needed a place for my heart to call Home.
The LOJ Community is organized into various regions, districts, and chapters. My sister lives in Laguna, so she joined the LOJ South Chapter, and so, that was my first LOJ chapter too. As part of LOJ’s growth, Bo Sanchez established The Feast, LOJ’s Sunday faith gathering, and I automatically became part of the heart of the entire LOJ family: the Caring Group, now called Light Group. The care group’s core was similar to Esther Makati prayer meetings but in a much smaller group. There were 10 members in our group.
Disaster
Still, I felt guilty of being lukewarm about it all– going to church for an hour and attending prayer meetings and then not thinking about God the rest of the week– unless I needed something.
During the years that followed, working overseas with my concealed heart and battling the temptations around me unarmed with spiritual shield and armor, I was bound for a disaster.
I did not pay attention to the importance of surrounding myself with people who consistently grow in their faith. I made no effort to seek help with regard to healing my emotional scars. I made no effort to soak myself in prayer. Rather, I became complacent and was glaringly unresolved to change mywrongdoings. I sacrificed my values, justified being in sinful relationships,and allowed myself to conform to the ways of the world. That time, I was living in an environment that gauged success by accumulating material belongings. Inescapably, material things were my stopgap solution, my band-aid for my deeply wounded heart.
Rescue
By 2012, I was already living for almost nine years in Shanghai, China. After an immensely awful separation from an ungodly relationship, I felt God’s rescue came through for me. Yes, through my sister, Darlene.
She arranged for me to join the I Love Life retreat in Tagaytay facilitated by the Light of Jesus Feast Makati.
I was happy to meet with some of the servants in the retreat— they were the same sisters from our Esther prayer meetings I met more than a decade back. This retreat was a life-altering sanctuary of my life. It was the most profound moment in my spiritual journey— where I made a vow to follow Jesus and allow Him to heal and fix the mess that I was.
Before I left this two-day retreat, it was evident in my heart what
I was prepared to focus on going forward: building a deep personal relationship with Jesus, a consuming passion to serve Him in any way He pleases, and an eagerness to connect with fellow believers. From here on, my life was never the same again.
In 2001, the same year I learned about LOJ, I began working in Southeast Asia. I got to attend our prayer and worship gatherings only whenever I would return to the Philippines. My sister kept me in the Community’s loop though, consistently sending me copies of the LOJ’s inspirational magazines:
Fish and Kerygma, Bo Sanchez’s books. She signed me up as a Soulfood subscriber and a tither. And inspired with her ceaseless stories on the Esther happenings during our Skype calls.
True Love
In 2013, barely four months after my breakthrough retreat, God gave me my One True Love: Rodolphe. We got married in 2014.
Rodolphe is in the field of International Arbitration (International Business Law). In the past eight years, God blessed our marriage with the amazing opportunity to live in seven different cities across Asia, the United States, and Europe.
Regardless of geography, I found myself constantly yearning to find the Water for the seeds placed in my heart, to build a personal relationship with Jesus, to be His servant, and to connect with His followers.
Living in Geneva, Zurich, and Paris, I found the only English-speaking community and service — a Christian Pentecostal church. I served in the Welcome Team and helped in cleaning the venue every Sunday.
Then I joined a small “Connect” group where I met serious Jesus-followers and mentors who encouraged and introduced me to the baby steps I could take to get to know Jesus through God’s Word. The Connect group became my circle during our short-term stay in the EU.
A Significant Decision
But I knew that God saw the ache in my heart to belong to a Catholic Church again. And so, the Holy Spirit would comfort me with the reminder that these were all temporary and that He has a spiritual home and family for me.
Towards the end of 2018, Rodolphe received promising work offers from five law firms in five different countries. We had to make a significant decision as to where we would be based in the coming years. Our options were Hong Kong, New Zealand, the United States, Dubai, and Australia.
Dwelling place for our spiritual health and the country’s culture/lifestyle were my major considerations in determining where to lay our roots. I did some research mainly on churches and communities available in the countries we’re deciding on. On The Feast website, I found that there were six Light of Jesus communities in Australia (Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane).
Rodolphe and I had a heart-to-heart talk and I recall feeling extremely grateful that throughout our dialogue we were on the same page: we were saying Yes to Australia, to Perth!
The Land Down Under
My husband and I fulfilled our dream to relocate to the Land Down Under by moving to Perth in March 2019. I was excited to finally have an opportunity to grow and spread my roots, and think long-term in the personal, professional, and spiritual aspects of my life. We were very excited. After all, this would be the first time in such a long time that we were going to live in one country for over a year.
On top of that, there wouldn’t be any language barriers. In my heart, I felt that it was already great just having the possibility of being “near” The Feast Melbourne/Sydney/Brisbane.
Because I still had to wait until I could visit the East Coast to experience the Light of Jesus, on my first Sunday in Perth, with great expectations, I went to a Pentecostal church I am familiar with, one that was closest to our new home.
Sadly, the giant “Welcome Home” banner at their foyer did not radiate the spirit of warmth to their Welcome team that I was yearning for. I was desperate to be connected. The following Sunday and the Sunday after that, I decided to still give it a try– but still, it did not feel home.
I then went to the Sunday Mass at St. Mary’s Cathedral and All Saints Chapel during weekdays and thought, for now, I would attend the Holy Eucharist there until I find my spiritual home. I fervently prayed while searching for communities.
The Feast Perth
One morning in May 2019, on the verge of dispiritedness and going into hibernation from the waiting for my spiritual home, I searched The Feast Perth on Facebook. To this day, I know that it was the Holy Spirit’s work.
I wish I have an answer to why I never had done this search way earlier. I guess God was building up the sweet surprise. And so, when I found out there was actually one, I just uttered in a shrieky voice, “Oh my goodness, there’s Feast Perth!?!!!”
At the heart of my happy disbelief, I dialed the number I found on Feast Perth’s Facebook page.
I immediately said Yes! to meet with the voice on the other line, Sis. Grace de la Fuente (left) one of the pioneers in the Community and Feast Perth Council member.
On the first Sunday of June, I attended The Feast Perth’s Live gathering. Below, at extreme left, that’s me, a Feast first-timer.
I believe that it was not mere happenstance that the theme on my very first live Feast in Australia was COURAGE. And with God’s Spirit so powerfully moving, oh, how I immensely felt receiving courage that Sunday. It was a gentle, reassuring embrace from God as He reminded me to be courageous because He’s got plans for me, and that it’s just the beginning. My heart rejoiced; God truly is the best when it comes to timing.
Feast Perth was the first Feast community I met outside the Philippines. With my determined heart to get moving on with my desire to have a small group and have a spiritual family, I invited Sis. Marian dela Fuente (right). the assistant head of Feast Perth, to come to our home for a meal. At the end of our fellowship,
I requested to have a regular meet-up and fellowship, and she said that she would speak to our Group Leader, Sis. Fema, about my wish.
And voila, God made it happen! The Feast Perth Family brought me a deep sense of belonging, of security, acceptance, and connection. We organically became each other’s accountability partners.
Here we are, my Light Group—front row, from left, Fema Cuadras, me, and Marian dela Fuente; back row, from left, Apple Valencia, Danica Carlos, and Noreen Galang.
My Light Group was a small but very powerful group under the gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit. The intimate sharing of our life-changing experiences with Christ fed my spirit and bonded me to our group immensely. Together, we learned from each other. Together, we uncovered friendship and fellowship beyond our expectations. I marveled that the sharing in our
Light Group came naturally to many of us and by the end of the sharing moment, all of us were involved. Every one of us was a great support to each other with our life experiences, our journey in our faith, our life struggles, and life brokenness. We really came together as the faithful and ended up with some deep trusted relationships.
As Proverbs 27:17 puts it: As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Countless Blessings
The Feast Perth Family brought me true joy, gratefulness, and fortitude. The blessings are countless, but let me share the tops…
Spiritual Nourishment. With the gift to serve God through the Holy Eucharist, The Live Feast, and the Ministries within, not to mention the retreats and Bible study provided, I have been given so much and God’s generosity has been manifested in His unceasing love, and the more I feel His love, the more healed I become.
Worldwide Family. The Feast Perth Family gave me the opportunity to meet many fellow believers in different parts of the world through our annual Feast Conference International.
Beyond the borders of Australia, I was able to connect and have had the liberty to reach out to fellow Feasters in many places which multiply the favors brought about by godly relationships and service.
My Feast Perth Family has added value to my life both on tangible and spiritual strands.
I am still blown away whenever we come together. I can truly feel that our common denominator as members isn’t DNA, or looks, or brains, or affluence. Rather, it is based on our faith, on our relationship with the Lord.
When we meet, we collectively think about ways to serve God, ways that we can do to make each other’s life and the world a better place. I find it beautiful that it is normal for the Feast Perth Family to choose to spend some amount of time with each other each week.
In the book of Hebrews, the author points to the main reason being part of a spiritual community is so important:
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…” (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Unconditional Love. In Feast Perth, we encourage each other to be more loving. We build each other up and appreciate each other’s contributions. We don’t look for places to criticize, but rather we look for ways to praise each other. We realize that anything that we’ve achieved is a gift from God, and that leads us to be humbler. The more work of God we achieve, the more we decrease ourselves.
Healing. I have my personal journey of healing from traumas, addictions, and wounds caused by dysfunctional family relationships. Often with intense, shameful hurts, we do not know where to turn for help. This is one of the arenas where my mature spiritual family was able to support me. Feast Perth never abandoned me despite my dark side, they prayed for/with me, and loved me patiently. I recall how I kept looking around expecting to catch a glimpse of Jesus as I truly felt His Presence when we gathered around my Feast Perth!
Audience of One. Now, of course, no spiritual family is perfect. When human beings come together, we do some things well, and we fall short in other areas.
We are fallible creatures. But overall, when we come together for the purpose of acknowledging that there is a higher power, that we do what we do for an Audience of One, and when we collectively think about how we can serve the world, something very special happens. Our desire to work toward “love and good deeds” comes alive.
Perth to Paris
I have lived abroad for half of my life now. In the wake of the Pandemic, we had to temporarily move back to Europe— to Paris.
At right, here I am with Rodolphe at the St.Therese de Lisieux Cathedral in France in October 2021.
As I write this, it’s been over a year and a half since we left Perth. What has been keeping me mentally and spiritually healthy during the Coronavirus Pandemic?
The Feast Perth.
How?
During this lengthy portion of being lost, facing the great unknown in my life, these are God’s rescue programs for my life:
Productive -busy Soul food via Zoom; Regular Light Group fellowship; Nightly Rosary Devotion; 33-Day Preparation to Consecrate to Jesus through Mary; Weekly Intercessory Prayer session + fellowship–
God called me to lead our Intercessory Prayer Team EVEN BEFORE Corona broke into our Planet!; plus Weekly Bible Study facilitated by Feast Taguig Builder.
God also assigned me to be part of the Music Ministry collaboration in Feast Europe.
I mean, seriously, ONLY GOD can do all these.
Joy!
I am nothing without God. From John 15:5: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
My mostly introverted nature and character + longing to relate to His other children of the same faith.
It is only God who can console my ache because it is Him who placed that yearning desire in my heart.
There is nothing that is difficult for the Lord. He can and will always find ways for me to be found.
Finally, one of the greatest gifts I have received since I have found Feast Perth is our Intercessory Prayer Ministry.
My desire to have a personal relationship with Jesus, to be His servant, and to connect with His followers was powerfully answered through prayers with our committed intercessors. Above, here we are during a recent Zoom session.
Yes, ultimately, through Feast Perth, I received ample amount of spiritual nourishment that I need to live a better, happier, and holier life.
Today, there are many who forgo having a spiritual family. They are what some call “spiritual loners.” I was one for a time. I listen to the Gospel and read inspirational books on a regular basis.
I prayed and tried my best to serve others. I wasn’t, however, part of a spiritual community. I can tell you that there is something very hollow about that approach.
If you feel lost or alone and do not belong to any group, if you don’t have a spiritual community, consider looking for one.
My trust-filled hope is that if you find the right one, it will be as great a blessing in your life as it has been in mine.
And that you’ll be prepared to receive some real, down in the bones JOY.
