Saved from Something Stupid

Eiselle Joyce R. Hidalgo, 27, single, holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Food Technology.
She works as recipe researcher and developer and baking instructor for one of the oldest culinary schools in the country. She also makes baking recipes for food and lifestyle magazines and social media pages.
Eiselle  owns an online bakery called Flour Revolution: Art That Can Be Eaten. She bakes customized cakes, cupcakes, and cookies for any occasion.
She lives in Quezon City.
Eiselle said she didn’t think much about “spiritual stuff”. She centered her life to her boyfriend, they broke up, and she thought of committing suicide. A friend helped her change her mind.

Her Story

I used  to have a wrong notion about what love is. As a child I thought that for me to be loved, I had to earn it. Like, I must perform well in school— always be on top of the class, join extra-curricular activities and be the best at it, go home with stars stamped on my hand. If I performed less, I would not get what I want. Like an increase in my allowance, a new toy, and such.

Then, when I was in Grade 6,  a boy courted me, said he loves me,  and so I learned that I didn’t need to do much for a guy to like me. I so enjoyed that kind of attention, I became a boy addict, jumping from one short relationship to another. From Grade 6 until I graduated from college, I never missed a day without being in a relationship or even just in a fling.

I was so engrossed with boys, I didn’t think much about spiritual stuff. But then in college, a classmate invited me to attend a service of a non-Catholic church. For the first time,  I experienced lively worship, an inspiring talk, and Bible reading,  and I felt  connected to God.

The classmate who invited me to attend this church service became my Discipler who journeyed with me to have a personal relationship with the Lord. It was her discipleship in the form of friendship that accompanied me in those unstable days of my life.

So I attended the church’s services for the youth. I joined a small group of young people and eventually led one. I loved my role leading my fellow young friends in Christ.

But I didn‘t have the courage to convert into this sect because at the back of my mind, I knew my Catholic parents would not approve it.

Anyway, in this church, I learned to surrender my life to Christ. Except one area— my love life. I  told the Lord to take charge over my life, but the area of my love life is mine. I will take charge.

I was then 20 years old. I was in a relationship —one of my longest and which I thought was the most serious.

On our fourth year of relationship, however,  we suddenly broke up. I was ashamed to tell my family that my relationship failed. I had no one else to talk to. I so centered my life to this boy, I just didn’t have any close friend. I was devastated. I could not eat. I could not  sleep. I lost a lot of weight in just one week. I thought of committing suicide. But on that day, my Discipler friend, who I had not seen for the longest time, texted me.

Apparently, she found out about  the breakup, and she suggested we meet and just hang out.

The last part of her text message was what saved me. She said, “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

At once, I came to my senses, and I just burst into tears.

I met up with my friend and I poured out my anguish to her. My friend stayed with me and simply listened.That night, I was able to sleep peacefully. I realized, I was just keeping all the hurt inside me, and I just needed a friend to talk with to lighten my burden. From there,  I decided to put myself back together.

Finding The Feast

In college, I had a best friend who grew up belonging to a charismatic community and eventually joined The  Feast of the Light of Jesus Family.

A month after the breakup with my boyfriend, out of the blue,  my college best friend invited me to Feast Makati where she has been attending.

I attended and am I happy I did. The first time I attended The Feast, I knew I was at home. I so felt accepted and loved.

I can’t forget the talk that night. It was about pruning your being to rid of excesses that serve as obstacles to your victorious life with the Lord.  The preacher was Sis. Rissa Kawpeng-Singson, but I felt the Lord was speaking to me through her.

What she said was etched in my mind: “God takes away something in your life, with or without your permission, because He wants you to grow.”

It was my turning point. I cried so much to the Lord as I knew He was calling me to surrender that aspect of my life that I’d been withholding from Him for so long. It was the night I gave my all to Christ and made Him captain of my life.

It was the most glorious surrender I’d ever done. In God, I rooted my identity. I learned to be secure that no one can make me see myself of lesser value than what God created me to be. I experienced that with His love, I don’t need to perform. His Love  is freely given. He accepts me the way I am.

I realized that no man on Earth can ever satisfy the deepest longings of my heart. Only Jesus can. I learned that God created me beautiful and even made me more beautiful, twice over, because of what He did for me on the Cross.

From then on, I spent time reading the Bible and in prayer. I took my eyes off myself, and began to fix my eyes on Jesus. I realized, in Him and His great love for me, I am well secure.

I’ve been a regular attendee in Feast Makati for five years now. I am a member of a Light Group. And I am one of the youth heads and a campus mission volunteer for the Campus Life Ministry at the University of Sto. Tomas and University of the Philippines.

Back to the Church

At The Feast, I’ve learned to love being a Catholic. I now appreciate the Sacraments and I like praying the Rosary.